Bull in the Stress Arena

Do you ever watch yourself? It's informative. Lately, I've been watching myself perform in the Stress Arena. The Stress Arena is a little bit like a bull fighting arena... a LOT of bull to dodge! Currently I'm fighting two bulls in my Stress Arena: "Beating-a-deadline" and "Doing-it-perfectly." Later in the week I'll likely be fighting "Too-much-to-do." The Stress Arena is all about who I think I am.

Last week I watched someone I love fight the "I'm-responsible" bull in her Stress Arena. I have fought that bull frequently myself, so found the supportive words that slipped from my mouth most interesting . Isn't it amazing how wise we can sound when someone else is fighting the bull?

The "I'm-responsible" bull seems much more threatening in the Stress Arena than some other bulls; because in the Stress Arena, we think we're in charge and in control. That is especially significant when fighting the "I'm-responsible" bull, and its frequent companion, "Savior" bull, which hides in and attacks from the shadows.

Like my dear friend in the Stress Arena, I sometimes think I'm responsible and can save somebody, or the doctor can save somebody, or the 9-1-1 EMT person can save somebody, or the fireman can save somebody, or the person who does the Heimlich maneuver can save somebody. What I've come to recognize is that none of these saves anybody. Who saves then? There was a time when I thought that it was God who saves somebody, but no longer.

When I was eight years old, I delighted in dressing up in my aunt's very fancy evening dresses and pretending I was going out to party. I now see that childhood pretending is symbolic of the bigger game of pretending I continue to play everyday... pretending to be a body and in control, pretending I didn't make up this imaginary fictional play titled 3-D Living, pretending I'm not the author but a character in this particular chapter, and pretending that I don't know that the character enters the stage at my cue and exits the same, with many "close calls" in between.

God cannot be involved in my fantasy of separateness, duality, life and death, love and hate, answering some prayers and not others, allowing some to suffer, and others to cause it. Love cannot respond so capriciously, and still be Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient Love. 3-D Living is my dream of impossible separateness, not God's creation. Thank God for that! All that is required to resolve all the problems of 3-D Living is for the author to wake up.

As for saving some body? Only the author's choosing to listen to the ever present whisperings of Truth/Memory can do that. And when I watch 3-D Living, as well as act in it, I will know the author part of me is listening, because more and more the character I call me will be spontaneously loving and peaceful. And one baby step after another, the author and the character together will gradually fade into the Light of the reality of Who I am and Where I am... Love dwelling in the Heaven of Oneness which is the Heart of God.

Peace -