Do you ever watch yourself? It's informative. Lately, I've been watching myself perform in the Stress Arena. The Stress Arena is a little bit like a bull fighting arena... a LOT of bull to dodge! Currently I'm fighting two bulls in my Stress Arena: "Beating-a-deadline" and "Doing-it-perfectly." Later in the week I'll likely be fighting "Too-much-to-do." The Stress Arena is all about who I think I am.
Last week I watched someone I love fight the "I'm-responsible" bull in her Stress Arena. I have fought that bull frequently myself, so found the supportive words that slipped from my mouth most interesting . Isn't it amazing how wise we can sound when someone else is fighting the bull?
The "I'm-responsible" bull seems much more threatening in the Stress Arena than some other bulls; because in the Stress Arena, we think we're in charge and in control. That is especially significant when fighting the "I'm-responsible" bull, and its frequent companion, "Savior" bull, which hides in and attacks from the shadows.
Like my dear friend in the Stress Arena, I sometimes think I'm responsible and can save somebody, or the doctor can save somebody, or the 9-1-1 EMT person can save somebody, or the fireman can save somebody, or the person who does the Heimlich maneuver can save somebody. What I've come to recognize is that none of these saves anybody. Who saves then? There was a time when I thought that it was God who saves somebody, but no longer.
When I was eight years old, I delighted in dressing up in my aunt's very fancy evening dresses and pretending I was going out to party. I now see that childhood pretending is symbolic of the bigger game of pretending I continue to play everyday... pretending to be a body and in control, pretending I didn't make up this imaginary fictional play titled 3-D Living, pretending I'm not the author but a character in this particular chapter, and pretending that I don't know that the character enters the stage at my cue and exits the same, with many "close calls" in between.
God cannot be involved in my fantasy of separateness, duality, life and death, love and hate, answering some prayers and not others, allowing some to suffer, and others to cause it. Love cannot respond so capriciously, and still be Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient Love. 3-D Living is my dream of impossible separateness, not God's creation. Thank God for that! All that is required to resolve all the problems of 3-D Living is for the author to wake up.
As for saving some body? Only the author's choosing to listen to the ever present whisperings of Truth/Memory can do that. And when I watch 3-D Living, as well as act in it, I will know the author part of me is listening, because more and more the character I call me will be spontaneously loving and peaceful. And one baby step after another, the author and the character together will gradually fade into the Light of the reality of Who I am and Where I am... Love dwelling in the Heaven of Oneness which is the Heart of God.
Peace -
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
A Cynic
Oh, my god! I'm a cynic! That's quite an admission, coming on the heals of the earlier post on opinions and beliefs. Now how am I going to deal with this realization? Well, let's make a list of aud's hottest issues and look for a common theme:
- pharmaceutical companies... it's about profits not healing the sick.
- U.S penal system... forget about rehabilitation, just punish the bastards.
- credit card companies... legal entrapment
- politicians... not the white hats, rather the big hats.
- medical doctors... conveyor belt care
- organized religion... the blind leading the blind
So what's the burr under my saddle? On the surface it appears that the issue is deception, organized groups claiming to be helping others when the hidden agenda is to help themselves. But there's a deeper issue that makes me livid... lack of compassion, a cold heart.
OK, so I need to own the stuff. These are my issues after all, they are my mirrors. So what is MY hidden agenda? The thought that instantly pops into my mind is "to over throw God." Whooooa!
But is it actually possible to over throw God, to have a separate will outside of God's Will? Where is "outside" when God is Omnipresence? The only place "outside" can be, is in a figment of my imagination, which momentarily projects a reflection of existence, a fantasy not a reality.
The projection is a natural consequence of a broken sense of identity (believing I am an independent will). A broken sense of identity projects "broken" images. And in this case, the projection imaged is groups of self serving entities. Their brokenness is not their fault, it's my projection. And my reflections have no free will, they dance to the tune of my beliefs.
Again, my belief is that I "can over throw God," and thereby, claim a will of my own. Yet, it's not possible to over throw Omnipresence. It can be imagined but not real. The effects of such fantasy are to totally lose my reality. I forget I am love. My projections can only image what I believe I am. And without love, the images have no heart. Their lack of compassion, their cold heart is a natural consequence. It's not their fault. These group entities can be no better than my forgetfulness.
Now, I can forgive these groups their hidden agendas and their lack of compassion. They are not at fault. And my forgiveness coupled with understanding, stirs and awakens the compassion and love within me. Ahhhhh, I have found That which was lost, Love, my True Self.
I feel the reality of it... I am Love, and I am BIG. Unbelievable, those once contemptible groups were my way back to my Self? What can I be now, but grateful? Thank you. Peace -
- pharmaceutical companies... it's about profits not healing the sick.
- U.S penal system... forget about rehabilitation, just punish the bastards.
- credit card companies... legal entrapment
- politicians... not the white hats, rather the big hats.
- medical doctors... conveyor belt care
- organized religion... the blind leading the blind
So what's the burr under my saddle? On the surface it appears that the issue is deception, organized groups claiming to be helping others when the hidden agenda is to help themselves. But there's a deeper issue that makes me livid... lack of compassion, a cold heart.
OK, so I need to own the stuff. These are my issues after all, they are my mirrors. So what is MY hidden agenda? The thought that instantly pops into my mind is "to over throw God." Whooooa!
But is it actually possible to over throw God, to have a separate will outside of God's Will? Where is "outside" when God is Omnipresence? The only place "outside" can be, is in a figment of my imagination, which momentarily projects a reflection of existence, a fantasy not a reality.
The projection is a natural consequence of a broken sense of identity (believing I am an independent will). A broken sense of identity projects "broken" images. And in this case, the projection imaged is groups of self serving entities. Their brokenness is not their fault, it's my projection. And my reflections have no free will, they dance to the tune of my beliefs.
Again, my belief is that I "can over throw God," and thereby, claim a will of my own. Yet, it's not possible to over throw Omnipresence. It can be imagined but not real. The effects of such fantasy are to totally lose my reality. I forget I am love. My projections can only image what I believe I am. And without love, the images have no heart. Their lack of compassion, their cold heart is a natural consequence. It's not their fault. These group entities can be no better than my forgetfulness.
Now, I can forgive these groups their hidden agendas and their lack of compassion. They are not at fault. And my forgiveness coupled with understanding, stirs and awakens the compassion and love within me. Ahhhhh, I have found That which was lost, Love, my True Self.
I feel the reality of it... I am Love, and I am BIG. Unbelievable, those once contemptible groups were my way back to my Self? What can I be now, but grateful? Thank you. Peace -
Monday, May 18, 2009
Opinions & Beliefs
My husband says, "That's the way the world is, that's what people do, argue about beliefs and opinions." His comment was in response to my observation about the futility of arguing. After all, one is never going to convince another... "Of course, you're right and I'm wrong." Minds are changed only from within, and generally only after considerable inner struggle. Externally, a person may be coerced or forced into a different behavior suggesting a change of mind, but that does not mean the belief has shifted, only that the survival mode has kicked in.
Why do we so adamantly defend our beliefs? Most of us unconsciously equate our identity with our belief system. We form our relationships, our tribes, and our allies based on common beliefs. Our conversations are focused on our opinions and what we believe to be true. And woe to anyone who does not agree. Our beliefs draw the line in the sand, where it's us against all the others who hold different beliefs about an issue of value.
But, am I my beliefs and opinions? Well, does God have beliefs and opinions? By definition, Omniscience is to be all knowing, and Knowingness excludes the need for either belief or opinion. Both are tools of duality, not Oneness. I am not my beliefs and opinions, for my Existence preceded them both. However, the consequence of pretending to be less than Created, is to also seem to be less than total Knowingness. And this "less than" state of mind is the state where opinions grow up and become beliefs. But no amount of pretending is ever going to make any opinion or belief better than another or more real. They are simply entertaining fantasies.
People are going to argue because their differing beliefs project corresponding perceptions. Perceptions are subjective, not objective. We see what we want to see to support the beliefs we hold valuable. So it is understandable why one person cannot see things as another person does. Perceptions are belief based.
Personally, there are a number of things that I have no opinion about. How is that possible? Firstly, I see differing perceptions about the issue and one perception appears to be just as valid as the other perception. When I hear two people arguing, I understand that both views are reasonable, given the vantage point from which each is looking. Secondly, holding an opinion one way or the other seems irrelevant, because my having an opinion is not going to change anything, except my peace of mind.
I used to feel stupid for not having an opinion. Now, I just feel relieved to have one less monkey chattering in my head. Opinions are burdensome, keeping me in my head and out of my heart, making me judgmental and unloving.
As for the opinions I do have, and those which have grown up to become my beliefs, I'm beginning to take them less seriously. I do not want to use them to shut me away from the others who are part of my Self. So I am beginning to regard my beliefs as my toys.
I play with my toys and you play with your toys. If your toys are kind of like mine, that's cool. If your toys are different than mine, that's interesting, too. Can you threaten me with your toys? You can certainly try. But if I remember that my Existence is invulnerable and precedes all toys, why should I be concerned?
The "me" that plays with the belief-toys, the "me" that is both you and me, the "me" that is so engrossed in playing that we have forgotten the real Me, will one day wake up to the realization that these toys are not actually any fun. And we will lay them aside.
Will we? Will we all lay aside our divisive thinking one day, and return to the awareness of Oneness. I am absolutely certain of it. And isn't that certainty also a belief? Yes, it is. And it is one of those beliefs that I still enjoy and will keep, until it is replaced by the Omniscience of Truth. Because for now, it is a toy that tweaks my inner happiness, kindles my loving nature, and feeds my peace.
Blessings -
Why do we so adamantly defend our beliefs? Most of us unconsciously equate our identity with our belief system. We form our relationships, our tribes, and our allies based on common beliefs. Our conversations are focused on our opinions and what we believe to be true. And woe to anyone who does not agree. Our beliefs draw the line in the sand, where it's us against all the others who hold different beliefs about an issue of value.
But, am I my beliefs and opinions? Well, does God have beliefs and opinions? By definition, Omniscience is to be all knowing, and Knowingness excludes the need for either belief or opinion. Both are tools of duality, not Oneness. I am not my beliefs and opinions, for my Existence preceded them both. However, the consequence of pretending to be less than Created, is to also seem to be less than total Knowingness. And this "less than" state of mind is the state where opinions grow up and become beliefs. But no amount of pretending is ever going to make any opinion or belief better than another or more real. They are simply entertaining fantasies.
People are going to argue because their differing beliefs project corresponding perceptions. Perceptions are subjective, not objective. We see what we want to see to support the beliefs we hold valuable. So it is understandable why one person cannot see things as another person does. Perceptions are belief based.
Personally, there are a number of things that I have no opinion about. How is that possible? Firstly, I see differing perceptions about the issue and one perception appears to be just as valid as the other perception. When I hear two people arguing, I understand that both views are reasonable, given the vantage point from which each is looking. Secondly, holding an opinion one way or the other seems irrelevant, because my having an opinion is not going to change anything, except my peace of mind.
I used to feel stupid for not having an opinion. Now, I just feel relieved to have one less monkey chattering in my head. Opinions are burdensome, keeping me in my head and out of my heart, making me judgmental and unloving.
As for the opinions I do have, and those which have grown up to become my beliefs, I'm beginning to take them less seriously. I do not want to use them to shut me away from the others who are part of my Self. So I am beginning to regard my beliefs as my toys.
I play with my toys and you play with your toys. If your toys are kind of like mine, that's cool. If your toys are different than mine, that's interesting, too. Can you threaten me with your toys? You can certainly try. But if I remember that my Existence is invulnerable and precedes all toys, why should I be concerned?
The "me" that plays with the belief-toys, the "me" that is both you and me, the "me" that is so engrossed in playing that we have forgotten the real Me, will one day wake up to the realization that these toys are not actually any fun. And we will lay them aside.
Will we? Will we all lay aside our divisive thinking one day, and return to the awareness of Oneness. I am absolutely certain of it. And isn't that certainty also a belief? Yes, it is. And it is one of those beliefs that I still enjoy and will keep, until it is replaced by the Omniscience of Truth. Because for now, it is a toy that tweaks my inner happiness, kindles my loving nature, and feeds my peace.
Blessings -
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Repost: Choice & Andy Mackie (1st post lost)
On any given evening you'll probably find Andy Mackie in the village tavern, until he retires to sleep in his home, an older camper parked on the edge of town. He'll likely be dressed in worn bluejeans, cotton shirt, and a cap, and he'll smile at you if he can catch your eye, his toothless grin wrinkling his face from jaw to brow. To some he may appear to be a "jewel in the rough," but to me he's brilliantly cut and polished, an inspiration and a role model.
Andy's story was related on the CBS evening news with Katie Couric in a regular feature called Assignment America with Steve Hartman. I invite you to watch the clip and then return here to share some thoughts.
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4986809n
This is a verse in the song titled The Rose: "It's the one afraid of dying who never learns to live." Andy shows me how he faced the fear of death. In my mind I can hear Andy think my thoughts, "Oh, screw it! Living on all these pills with their side effects is not living. I'd rather have just one good day than continue with one miserable day after another."
So, instead of refilling his prescriptions, Andy spends the money on harmonicas. Then he gives the harmonicas away, along with lessons. I believe that every time he gives away an harmonica, Andy feels a rush of freedom... freedom from the fear of death, BECAUSE he is experiencing his true eternal Self, Love.
What led Andy to make that choice for freedom? From my reference point, Andy didn't make that choice.... the higher mind made that choice, from a level unconscious to the physical level. It's the higher mind that we all share. We are literally, all in this together.
Even though there is the appearance of such, I do not believe that choices are actually made by individual human minds. Why? Because if they were, some of us would become lost in an eternity of wrong choices, as if within a maze of hell. Could such a destiny be allowed within Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient LOVE? No, not and still be LOVE.
I understand that there appears to be abundant evidence of a lot of choices being made by the humans in this world, choices made from the human conscious level, some helpful and some not. But, just for a few minutes, can you entertain the idea that what you are seeing is actually an image, a repetitive reflection of one choice made at a higher mental level?
At the level of the actual choice, the choice was never to suffer. Any suffering seen in the reflection is a byproduct of the choice, not the choice itself. And on that higher mental level, we think that the choice is worth the consequences of the byproduct, because the choice is for "difference."
"Difference" gives us a sense of specialness, uniqueness, individuality. This sense of "difference" is consciousness, the experience of my being different from another. And this experience is one of duality. Yet, within Omnipresent LOVE, there is Oneness not duality, and no concept of "difference." LOVE IS LOVE.... LOVE IS!
LOVE cannot even BE mocked. In the higher mind, any effect of the momentary focus on the concept of "difference" is automatically instantly nullified by the Memory of LOVE's nature, which is Oneness. Not only is "difference" and its effect, duality, nullified; but Memory also answers the question of "Why?"
Why can't "difference" and duality be possible? Because Omnipotent Oneness cannot be split into duality and still be Oneness. And how was that fact revealed to the aspect of questioning mind? The hypothetical state of duality was projected into a dream like state of contrasting differences and opposites... up-down, in-out, day-night, big-little, here-there, now-then, joy-pain, love-fear, etc.-etc. And in every dream scene, Memory's Voice was present, reminding the dreamer that dreams of being different from everything else are not real, because duality is not actually possible. Yet, because dreams seem to be real to the dreamer, Memory's Voice reminds the dreamer that waking will allow the dream to disappear, and simultaneously the dreamer will realize that Oneness was never exited. The journey into duality was/is an illusion.
We are still within the Oneness, watching an imaginary dream landscape so intently that we identify with some of the dream characters, even to the point of getting lost in them. At this level of higher mind, we are enthralled with the illusion of "difference," and choose again and again to submerge ourselves into the impossible dream state rather than to be what we truly are, Love from Love in Love. As dreamers we venture into illusory streams of individual consciousness and coincidentally die to the awareness of our Real Self.
Fortunately, the inner whisperings of Truth by the Memory of Love can wake us up to our Real Self as we stuporously drift along. Our higher level choice is always this : Choose "difference" and continue the dream of the lost Self. Or, choose to identify with the Voice of Memory and remember the True Self. "Difference" can take the form of judgment, defensiveness, resentment, aloofness, fear, anger, etc. The Voice of Memory can take the form of peace, compassion, love, strength, enclosure, acceptance, and all other reflections of Love, the True Self.
Remembering the True Self is the key to waking from the dream state. We will know which choice was made by observing the dream characters, most importantly the character I call my self. If the dream characters portray Love, I've chosen to heed the Memory from above. If the dream characters portray fear, I've chosen once again not to hear.
The story of Andy Mackie is in my dream, our dream. And when he says, "I don't think Bill Gates feels any richer inside than I do," he speaks for me, too. For rich, indeed, is the one who remembers through the experience of loving, that the Self is Love. And remembering can only occur within the dream. Only Love can witness to it Self.
You and I both witnessed and were touched by Love, as personified by Andy Mackie. I am remembering, and so are you. I am waking, and so are you, and so is Andy Mackie. But Andy Mackie, you, and I are not the characters in this dream, we are the dreamer of the dream, the dreamer who is choosing to listen to the Inner Voice both inside and outside of the dream; the dreamer who is remembering... by experiencing our one Self, Love.
LOVE is what we are. Yes, LOVE is what we are.
Andy's story was related on the CBS evening news with Katie Couric in a regular feature called Assignment America with Steve Hartman. I invite you to watch the clip and then return here to share some thoughts.
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4986809n
This is a verse in the song titled The Rose: "It's the one afraid of dying who never learns to live." Andy shows me how he faced the fear of death. In my mind I can hear Andy think my thoughts, "Oh, screw it! Living on all these pills with their side effects is not living. I'd rather have just one good day than continue with one miserable day after another."
So, instead of refilling his prescriptions, Andy spends the money on harmonicas. Then he gives the harmonicas away, along with lessons. I believe that every time he gives away an harmonica, Andy feels a rush of freedom... freedom from the fear of death, BECAUSE he is experiencing his true eternal Self, Love.
What led Andy to make that choice for freedom? From my reference point, Andy didn't make that choice.... the higher mind made that choice, from a level unconscious to the physical level. It's the higher mind that we all share. We are literally, all in this together.
Even though there is the appearance of such, I do not believe that choices are actually made by individual human minds. Why? Because if they were, some of us would become lost in an eternity of wrong choices, as if within a maze of hell. Could such a destiny be allowed within Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient LOVE? No, not and still be LOVE.
I understand that there appears to be abundant evidence of a lot of choices being made by the humans in this world, choices made from the human conscious level, some helpful and some not. But, just for a few minutes, can you entertain the idea that what you are seeing is actually an image, a repetitive reflection of one choice made at a higher mental level?
At the level of the actual choice, the choice was never to suffer. Any suffering seen in the reflection is a byproduct of the choice, not the choice itself. And on that higher mental level, we think that the choice is worth the consequences of the byproduct, because the choice is for "difference."
"Difference" gives us a sense of specialness, uniqueness, individuality. This sense of "difference" is consciousness, the experience of my being different from another. And this experience is one of duality. Yet, within Omnipresent LOVE, there is Oneness not duality, and no concept of "difference." LOVE IS LOVE.... LOVE IS!
LOVE cannot even BE mocked. In the higher mind, any effect of the momentary focus on the concept of "difference" is automatically instantly nullified by the Memory of LOVE's nature, which is Oneness. Not only is "difference" and its effect, duality, nullified; but Memory also answers the question of "Why?"
Why can't "difference" and duality be possible? Because Omnipotent Oneness cannot be split into duality and still be Oneness. And how was that fact revealed to the aspect of questioning mind? The hypothetical state of duality was projected into a dream like state of contrasting differences and opposites... up-down, in-out, day-night, big-little, here-there, now-then, joy-pain, love-fear, etc.-etc. And in every dream scene, Memory's Voice was present, reminding the dreamer that dreams of being different from everything else are not real, because duality is not actually possible. Yet, because dreams seem to be real to the dreamer, Memory's Voice reminds the dreamer that waking will allow the dream to disappear, and simultaneously the dreamer will realize that Oneness was never exited. The journey into duality was/is an illusion.
We are still within the Oneness, watching an imaginary dream landscape so intently that we identify with some of the dream characters, even to the point of getting lost in them. At this level of higher mind, we are enthralled with the illusion of "difference," and choose again and again to submerge ourselves into the impossible dream state rather than to be what we truly are, Love from Love in Love. As dreamers we venture into illusory streams of individual consciousness and coincidentally die to the awareness of our Real Self.
Fortunately, the inner whisperings of Truth by the Memory of Love can wake us up to our Real Self as we stuporously drift along. Our higher level choice is always this : Choose "difference" and continue the dream of the lost Self. Or, choose to identify with the Voice of Memory and remember the True Self. "Difference" can take the form of judgment, defensiveness, resentment, aloofness, fear, anger, etc. The Voice of Memory can take the form of peace, compassion, love, strength, enclosure, acceptance, and all other reflections of Love, the True Self.
Remembering the True Self is the key to waking from the dream state. We will know which choice was made by observing the dream characters, most importantly the character I call my self. If the dream characters portray Love, I've chosen to heed the Memory from above. If the dream characters portray fear, I've chosen once again not to hear.
The story of Andy Mackie is in my dream, our dream. And when he says, "I don't think Bill Gates feels any richer inside than I do," he speaks for me, too. For rich, indeed, is the one who remembers through the experience of loving, that the Self is Love. And remembering can only occur within the dream. Only Love can witness to it Self.
You and I both witnessed and were touched by Love, as personified by Andy Mackie. I am remembering, and so are you. I am waking, and so are you, and so is Andy Mackie. But Andy Mackie, you, and I are not the characters in this dream, we are the dreamer of the dream, the dreamer who is choosing to listen to the Inner Voice both inside and outside of the dream; the dreamer who is remembering... by experiencing our one Self, Love.
LOVE is what we are. Yes, LOVE is what we are.
Road Sign
Don't you love it when you get a glimpse of your own progress, an affirmation that you really ARE waking up? I was recently so gifted.
My husband is a "mover and a shaker." In contrast, I "pool and flow." He tactfully pushes and motivates and maneuvers and negotiates his way to his goal. I solicit, sit with, question, listen, resonate with, and respond to inner urgings of what to do and when to do it.
Last spring I felt moved to solicit our homeowners association for getting some landscape maintenance done in the common area adjacent to our home. I consulted neighbors, wrote a letter to the Board of Directors, hand delivered it to the President of the Board, expressed a willingness to contribute funds to accomplish the job, and personally took the President to the site to clarify what I was asking for. That done, I released it. I am not under the illusion that I have control. AND I trust that whatever the Board's decision, in the bigger picture, it will be in my/our best interest, whether it looks like it or not.
I learned that my letter was presented at the Board meeting in April and one member was appointed to gather data to present at the next board meeting in order for them to make an informed decision. The May meeting, the meeting of decision, will be next Tuesday.
On Friday my husband phoned me from work, wanting me to call the Board President to ascertain the findings of the research and the mood of the Board, and to reiterate my/our willingness to negotiate... all as a stimulus to rule in favor of my request at the upcoming meeting. I refused, saying I did not feel comfortable doing so. What followed were several minutes of his explaining why I should, and my explaining why I wouldn't. The conversation concluded with his recommendation that I rethink my decision. I did... for about five seconds, and there was no inner shift.
However, as I went about my activities after our phone conversation, I observed some of the other thoughts that drifted through my mind. And I discovered that I felt considerable compassion for my husband. After all, it can't be easy bridging his two lives, the one at the office and the one at home.
My husband is greatly respected in his professional world for his insight, understanding, tact, getting things done, and inspiring others to get things done. In my mind he's like a modern day cattle driver, getting the herd to where they need to be for the best grazing. At home it's a different story... the cattle driver is without a horse.
He told me once that getting me to do something was like trying to push a rope. I understand how that could be true. And trying to get one step ahead of my thought process has got to be challenging to say the least, especially given that my thought process is rarely verbalized.
The more I mulled all of this over, the softer my heart felt towards my husband. And when he came home from work, I spontaneously kissed him in welcome. He was taken by surprise; and commented that after our earlier phone conversation, he expected me to be pissed.
It was only THEN that I realized how far I have come. Because not so long ago, I would have been pissed. Resentment, anger, and a silent litany of "should have-s" and "shouldn't have-s" would have surged through my mind as inner attacks that always wounded me more deeply than him. But last Friday, I didn't attack. I forgave. And the beauty of it was that it was spontaneous.
A Course In Miracles defines forgiveness as a shift in perception that propels one to love rather than to attack. It is that expression of love that rekindles the memory of Identity... I am Love. There is no comparison about which feels more joyful, attacking or loving. And it is obvious which of the two, attacking or loving, promotes a more peaceful mind. Perhaps the mind is peaceful because it is at home in Love.
I have committed my self to this path, the path of Forgiveness. Why? Because I want to wake up... wake up to What I truly am and Where I truly am. And what I am discovering in the process is that this path is actually more loving to me. Love for the other, love for me. What a deal!
My husband is a "mover and a shaker." In contrast, I "pool and flow." He tactfully pushes and motivates and maneuvers and negotiates his way to his goal. I solicit, sit with, question, listen, resonate with, and respond to inner urgings of what to do and when to do it.
Last spring I felt moved to solicit our homeowners association for getting some landscape maintenance done in the common area adjacent to our home. I consulted neighbors, wrote a letter to the Board of Directors, hand delivered it to the President of the Board, expressed a willingness to contribute funds to accomplish the job, and personally took the President to the site to clarify what I was asking for. That done, I released it. I am not under the illusion that I have control. AND I trust that whatever the Board's decision, in the bigger picture, it will be in my/our best interest, whether it looks like it or not.
I learned that my letter was presented at the Board meeting in April and one member was appointed to gather data to present at the next board meeting in order for them to make an informed decision. The May meeting, the meeting of decision, will be next Tuesday.
On Friday my husband phoned me from work, wanting me to call the Board President to ascertain the findings of the research and the mood of the Board, and to reiterate my/our willingness to negotiate... all as a stimulus to rule in favor of my request at the upcoming meeting. I refused, saying I did not feel comfortable doing so. What followed were several minutes of his explaining why I should, and my explaining why I wouldn't. The conversation concluded with his recommendation that I rethink my decision. I did... for about five seconds, and there was no inner shift.
However, as I went about my activities after our phone conversation, I observed some of the other thoughts that drifted through my mind. And I discovered that I felt considerable compassion for my husband. After all, it can't be easy bridging his two lives, the one at the office and the one at home.
My husband is greatly respected in his professional world for his insight, understanding, tact, getting things done, and inspiring others to get things done. In my mind he's like a modern day cattle driver, getting the herd to where they need to be for the best grazing. At home it's a different story... the cattle driver is without a horse.
He told me once that getting me to do something was like trying to push a rope. I understand how that could be true. And trying to get one step ahead of my thought process has got to be challenging to say the least, especially given that my thought process is rarely verbalized.
The more I mulled all of this over, the softer my heart felt towards my husband. And when he came home from work, I spontaneously kissed him in welcome. He was taken by surprise; and commented that after our earlier phone conversation, he expected me to be pissed.
It was only THEN that I realized how far I have come. Because not so long ago, I would have been pissed. Resentment, anger, and a silent litany of "should have-s" and "shouldn't have-s" would have surged through my mind as inner attacks that always wounded me more deeply than him. But last Friday, I didn't attack. I forgave. And the beauty of it was that it was spontaneous.
A Course In Miracles defines forgiveness as a shift in perception that propels one to love rather than to attack. It is that expression of love that rekindles the memory of Identity... I am Love. There is no comparison about which feels more joyful, attacking or loving. And it is obvious which of the two, attacking or loving, promotes a more peaceful mind. Perhaps the mind is peaceful because it is at home in Love.
I have committed my self to this path, the path of Forgiveness. Why? Because I want to wake up... wake up to What I truly am and Where I truly am. And what I am discovering in the process is that this path is actually more loving to me. Love for the other, love for me. What a deal!
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