Dream Message

The dream I had just before awakening was unusual for me, it was a message from Me to me. And the message was, "Look more closely at what pisses you off. Diagnosing why you are pissed from a 'higher' level is very valuable."

I awoke with much to do because we were en route to Oregon. It was the last day out and I was eager to get there. There was pet care to do, breakfast to eat, packing up the stuff in the motel room, carrying everything to the truck and loading it back up, getting the animals situated in their crates for the day's travel, refilling water bottles, and tidying the car before getting under the wheel to take my first driving shift.

All went smoothly and we were off. Being just across the river from Oregon, we were in familiar territory. I pulled left out of the motel parking lot, heading west on US 20. We had traveled the same route last year. But unlike last year, there were no road signs except for the one across from the motel. We drove around in circles, and the GPS navigating system was no help, only insisting we go back to the interstate where the motel was located. Finally, we came upon a gas station and Gene went in and asked for driving directions. We were directed to go back to the interstate, to take the interstate north two exits, and that would be US 20 West. Never mind about the highway sign at the motel. Never mind that last year we successfully followed that sign and others west through the town and across the state.

I did as Gene was directed driving east to return to the interstate, finding US 20 two exits north and then going west again. Something about that run around really annoyed me, triggering various emotions... sadness, irritability, defensiveness, suspiciousness, and I shut down, sleeping when not driving. It was hours later that I finally recognized that I was more than annoyed, I was "mad as hell!"

Anger is a no-no for me, I refuse to be around it. Anger terrifies me, whether it's anger in me or anger in another. The fear throws up a state of denial, and it takes me awhile to even admit it's presence. So what was I to do with this realization? What did the dream say? Figuring out the lesson of anger on a higher level would be invaluable.

So what does anger symbolize? Who was I angry at? In the 3-D world, I was angry at me for being lost, and wasting time in getting "home." How does that apply on a higher level? Am I not pissed at making the stupid choice to entertain myself with the illusion of separation? Am I not also pissed at my foolishness, my stupidness, my willfulness, and my arrogance in that choice? Yes, I see I often think those judgmental thoughts about my Self.

And what did I learn today? I learned that even though I followed the same path as before, I became lost. And I learned that sometimes it is necessary to go back to square one, to actually allow myself to be guided in the opposite direction from the destination. The first step is in acknowledging, "I do not know the way." The next step is in trusting the Guidance and following it.

And I also learned some compassion for Self. Just maybe that choice to play in the illusion was just as innocent as today's choice to follow a former pattern. Maybe it wasn't a headstrong, willful act, but simply an error in judgment.

And maybe I dwell on the "why" of an issue, when "why" isn't really important anymore. Maybe what's important now is following the Guidance to get back on track, to wake up and remember Who I am and where I am, REALLY... Love from LOVE at home in the heart of God, and dreaming an impossible dream of separation. But every time I break an old pattern, and love instead of judging, it proves I'm waking up. And that realization is worth driving in circles any day!


peace