Vast Unconscious

Last week was my 66th birthday. I do NOT believe that sixty-something or even seventy- something is old. There isn't a fixed number in my mind that flashes like a neon sign, saying "Old Fart." Indeed, there are eighty year olds, my mother being one, who can still run circles around me, and do so everyday. But admittedly, there is more to being an oldster than just a certain level of physical endurance.

When I think of oldsters, the image that comes to mind is that of a raisin. What was formerly a plump, soft fruit has lost much of it's juice, becoming shrivelled and set. Oldsterhood begins to dawn as the zest for life sets. The mind becomes rigid, replaying the same thought patterns like a stuck recording. Negativity and fear gradually cause the comfort zone to contract and set up. But none of that is number dependant. It's all an inside job.

The weeks preceding my birthday this year were unusually funky. I was unmotivated, sad, withdrawn, bitchy, agitated, and clueless as to why. I kept questioning the funk... what are you about? There was no clarity. Yet, I also continued to acknowledge the obvious... I had no conscious reason to be in the funk. In fact, my summer has been near idyllic. Despite that, everyday I was like the character in that story... "I walk down the street. There's a hole in the
street. I fall in. "

My birthday was Friday and I went to play Mah Jongg as usual. I lost all my quarters and came home stuck in the funk. [I walk down the street. There is a hole in the street. I fall in.] "Well, Happy Birthday!" I told myself as I plopped into my chair facing the ocean.

Maybe it was the brilliant blue water behind the vibrant green of trees and grass, or maybe the beauty had nothing to do with it. But suddenly there was the answer to the why of the funk: "66 is a BIG deal!"

What? I don't believe that, not even a little bit! That's just not true!

"Think about it," was the inner directive. "65 is like a pinnacle from which you can look behind at your past... goals, successes and failures, accomplishments and disappointments. On the same pinnacle, you look ahead, at the journey before you, a new kind of adventure not fueled by burning desires and challenging ascents, but by peace, love, and trust. 65 is, indeed, an exhilarating vista. And what comes next? Coasting down the other side of the pinnacle into 66 and beyond."

"The joys and beauty of the 65+ side of the pinnacle, however, are generally never tasted by the masses. They never get in step with the rhythm of this side, but long for their entrenched familiarity of the former rhythm. To the masses, 66 is a VERY big deal. And the feelings that you have been experiencing are their disenchantment. "

"But, I don't believe that 65, or 66, or even 76, IS a big deal!" I protested.

"Ahhh, but you see, you share the same unconscious with all the masses who do."

I was stunned into silence as I continued to look out at the blue ocean. The symbolism spread out before me was perfect for the moment. The white caps and the waves were the conscious mind, with its thoughts popping up above the top layer of subconscious mind. But all that depth... all that deep expanse below the surface.... that was all unconscious mind, the unconscious mind of humanity's ENTIRE thought system.

Suddenly this game that we are in, took on a whole new perspective. Who am I to think that of myself I can do anything? The preceding weeks had clearly shown me the capacity of an unconscious belief system to affect me, even though my personal belief system was in direct opposition. Of what importance then, are my own thoughts and beliefs? Certainly not much, in the bigger scheme of things.

So what am I to glean from this revelation?

"This has been given to bless... let there be peace.
Stop worrying about how many times you fall in the hole.
Stop worrying about how to avoid it, how to get out of it, how to seal it up, etc.
Take heart, it is not yours to do.
Take heart, there is a part of You beyond the sea of unconscious that IS in charge, and One.
Take heart, I have transformed the darkness of the unconscious into my Mirror of Holiness.
Take heart, you will see your Reflection on cue.
Take heart, and listen to My voice within your heart.
Take heart, I will shepherd you to speak and to act in ways of love.
Take heart, you have nothing to fear, for you are not a body... you are Love.
Trust me. You are Living Love, and perfect for this moment."

I truly am blessed. The funk is gone. But clearly, this ah-ha is about so much more than aging. It's about getting real, and discovering that the truth is Grace laden.

Peace - aud