An Old Issue

The Course says, "You're never upset for the reason you think." I became upset today, and through it realized that my upset had three levels of "reality": 1-the level of the experience or physical level, 2-the level of what was going on within me or the mental-emotional level, and 3-the level of metaphysics or the spiritual level. Traveling through these three levels is a journey I make with every challenge I encounter.

The event: I went to see Sioux today. She was waiting at the gate and whinnied when I approached. My assumption was that she was waiting for someone to feed her, although feeding time was long past. To get her out of her pasture, I had to lead her through another mare's lot, and that went well. While she was eating the grain I had brought, I groomed her, and then started to take her back to her pasture. Going through the mare's lot again, I realized by Sioux's excited behavior when the mare approached that Sioux was in heat. [Ah-ha! That was why she had been waiting at the gate.] When I chased the mare away, Sioux became agitated with my holding her back and gave a side kick, connecting with my upper right thigh. I did not realize I was even in her kicking range so was totally taken by surprise. Reflexively, I whacked her on the neck with the lead rope which did little more than get her attention. We continued on to her gate, and getting her back into her pasture went smoothly.

Later, as I was driving home and the stinging of my thigh had subsided, the surprise began to give way to anger. Did she intend to kick me or was it just a reflex? No, she was aiming for me. With that realization came a hot flash... the kind of hot flash I'd seen in my dad when he lost control with the livestock... the kind of hot flash which would fuel some cruel and scary behavior.

In that moment, I understood him at a cellular level like I'd never before. I understood his need to feel in control of the animals, to be safe... the need to have boundaries respected, by fear if necessary. That was what I had wanted too, to regain control, by whatever means necessary.

But what does that need for control represent? When I am still, and allow the inner Light to clear my mind, I see that control issues are all the same... safety issues. The bottom line is survival. It's my bottom line just as it was my dad's bottom line. But is that the truth? Can survival be at risk?

The physical body's survival isn't at risk, it's doomed. Every one of them is going to die, sooner or later. The good news is that neither my dad, nor I, nor you, nor the ones we love are physical bodies. What we truly are cannot be threatened by anything. What we are is invulnerable. As expressions of Spirit/Love, we must also be Spirit/Love.

A kick on the leg or a kick in the butt, it's a wake up call for me. Stop thinking of myself and others as being bodies. We're Spirit. We're One Spirit having this holographic experience. And I am remembering that... every time I don't react, every time I forgive or understand rather than judge, and every time I look for the bigger meaning. All of these are expressions of love. And that is how I remember we are Love, by living It. Peace.