Is It Right or Wrong?

The minister at the funeral today was not afraid to talk about the elephant in the room, and I appreciated that... let's air out the dark chambers of the mind and sweep out the fears. I wonder if there was anyone there who did not know that Frank committed suicide. Of those who did know, many were likely shocked, puzzled, questioning, critical, saddened, judgmental, and possibly even fearful... fearful for Frank upon meeting his Maker. What would be the consequences for Frank... a detour into purgatory or eternity in hell?



The pastor spoke of the adjectives that family and friends used in referring to Frank: caring, loyal, friendly, cheerful, helpful, accomplished, responsible, faithful, precise, hard working, certain, perfect, and the list went on.



As the minister pointed out, "Everything we knew about Frank was inconsistent with suicide."



"But," said the minister, "do we really know what goes on inside another? What we did see in Frank's last months were his increasing difficulty in accomplishing simple and routine tasks."



He concluded his sermon adamantly stating that "God, in His infinite mercy, will still receive Frank unto Himself." Heads before me, nodded in agreement.



Yet the taste in my mouth was still bitter as I left the church, and still is. Why? Because I continue to judge THEM, the preacher and the head nodders, for their judgment of Frank. Judging the judgers, it's an old pass time. I could have followed my impulses, but surely would have been considered a lunatic had I stood up on the pew where I sat and challenged the good pastor:



"How can you infer that there was anything less than PERFECTION in Frank Wurbs! Can you not entertain the possibility that his choice for suicide was not one of fright or frustration, but instead the ultimate gift of love to his adoring wife?

Frank was not a stupid man. He was well aware of the journey and the end result of a deteriorating brain. One by one, his memories would be walled off from consciousness, until everyday would be like a birthday with all things new. Yet THAT was not really Frank's concern. Frank's concern was for his beloved wife and those who love him, who day by day would watch him slip beyond their bonds of familiarity and love, who one day would be clinging to a physical shell and calling it by his name. He knew he was not that.


Frank was a pragmatist... he looked squarely at the facts and made his decisions. AND Frank was and is Love, just as his Creator is Love. From that great Love in a moment of clarity, Frank understood what the choice must be for those he loved... to end their spiral downward into oblivion with him by ending his brain's deterioration.

Frank had no fear for himself, in a body or out of a body. Frank trusted God, trusted God to live through him as Love incarnate. Can you see God in Frank, and in Frank's choice? If you cannot, then I will hold that vision for you until you can, and that day shall surely come. Amen."

Thank you, Frank, for living your Truth as best you knew how. And thank you for reminding me that I am like my brother, judging what I do not understand, until I do. Happy trails!

Ahhh, the bitterness is gone. I am so grateful. aud